


The Thaw

by guety



Category: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Bittersweet, CLAMP Secret Santa 2015, Fluff, M/M, my secret santa present of 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 01:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5564116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guety/pseuds/guety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wanted to give space to Fai as well, give him the chance to approach the subject or at least drop that fake smile of his, but after three weeks it became clear he wasn’t about to do any of that. It was time for Kurogane to take a step. </p><p>My secret santa present for Animangod!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Thaw

**Author's Note:**

  * For [animangod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/animangod/gifts).



In the few months since he had started officially dating Fai, Kurogane’s life had entered a nice routine. There was no particular schedule they had verbally agreed on, yet their days had fallen into a comfortable order. Fai and Yuui had become a constant presence in his life, to the point that he barely remembered how it was before.

Beer was pretty much the only thing taking up space on his fridge now that he didn’t cook any of his meals anymore, and his shower caddy displayed the vanilla scented shampoo that Fai was so fond of.  Kurogane used to enjoy his peaceful morning walks to school all by himself, now he took comfort in walking alongside the twins, Fai clinging to his arm while Kurogane and Yuui conversed about their students’ progress.

Kurogane had never thought he would come to enjoy sharing his bed, yet he had realized he preferred sleeping with Fai than alone, long limbs wrapped around him and cold feet pressed against his skin. He had always treasured his short, invigorating morning showers, now looked forward to the moment when Fai would barge in and insist on washing his back, making an utter mess of the bathroom in the process.

He had learned each and every one of Fai’s habits and little quirks, and had gotten to discover a great deal about his brother as well. He had become aware of his boyfriend’s scars, both the emotional and physical ones. Fai had never spoken of them, and Kurogane didn’t know the story behind, but he was certain of their existence, and he had noticed the subtle but perceivable changes in Fai’s behavior the past few weeks.

The most obvious one had been his sudden insistence on taking all their meals in Kurogane’s apartment rather than in the twins’. His excuse had been that Kurogane’s apartment was much warmer and had a kotatsu, which wasn’t a lie, but Kurogane could tell it wasn’t the entire truth either. The apologetic look Yuui shot him every time they let themselves in had more meaning behind it.

Although overall they were spending more time in Kurogane’s place now, Fai had almost entirely stopped spending the night there. He would always give an excuse that Kurogane didn’t buy, and leave almost immediately after sex, which had also grown more frequent. Their usual love making had become less tender, faster, desperate. It was clear that Fai needed it that way, so Kurogane accepted it and complied. He could see how vulnerable his boyfriend was, how much he was using the intercourse to satisfy a craving that wasn’t just sexual. It was the only time that Fai was being honest, otherwise always jokes and fake smiles. He was keeping a distance between them, an invisible wall that the refused to acknowledge, but that was there, almost palpable, and it hurt Kurogane like a knife.

Yuui was another matter entirely. He wasn’t verbalizing whatever it was that was troubling him, but he wasn’t hiding it either. His smile was less bright, and he appeared tired, distraught. However, Kurogane could see in his eyes that he didn’t wish to talk about it, and he respected it. He made sure Yuui knew he was there if he ever needed a friend, but didn’t press the subject. He wanted to give space to Fai as well, give him the chance to approach the subject or at least drop that fake smile of his, but after three weeks it became clear he wasn’t about to do any of that. It was time for Kurogane to take a step.

They were alone in his apartment, Yuui having just left. Kurogane was about to finish washing the dishes when Fai hugged him from behind, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder.

“Kurotan is paying more attention to the dishes than to me.” He complained playfully, putting on a fake pout.

“Don’t be an idiot.” Kurogane dried his hands in the kitchen towel and turned around to face Fai. The blond smiled, that same mockery of a gesture he had been using since the cold started.

“Now that you’ve ditched the evil dishes, let’s have some fun…” He traced his hands around the waistline of Kurogane’s pants. There was it again, that desperate, fake flirting. Kurogane put his hands over Fai’s.

“Enough, Blondie.”

Fai gave him a puzzled look. “You’re not in the mood?”

Kurogane frowned. “Will you quit the act and tell me what’s going on already?”

“I want to have sex with my hot boyfriend,” Fai replied, that fake smile still plastered all over his face. However, he was avoiding eye contact. “is that weird?”

Kurogane grabbed Fai’s chin and forced him to look up at him. “Fai,” He started, using his boyfriend’s name to show that he wasn’t going to play any games. “I know something’s been eating at you the past weeks, ever since the cold started. And your brother as well, but at least he’s not acting like everything’s fine.”

For a moment, Fai seemed entirely lost. Then, his fake smile turned into a genuine, sad one. “I knew I couldn’t fool you, Kuropon.”

Kurogane put his hands on the thin, bony shoulders. “Look, if you don’t wanna talk about it, don’t, but quit that act of yours. It’s obviously not helping.”

“I always act happy, even when I’m not,” Fai buried his face on Kurogane’s chest. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“Idiot, if you need to cry, then cry. If you’re tired, rest. You don’t have to push yourself.” Kurogane placed his hand on the end of Fai’s back, protectively, and waited for the other to act. If Fai was ready to talk, he would listen, and if his boyfriend still wanted to have sex, if physical affection was what he needed, Kurogane could do that too.

Fai decided to talk.

“I don’t like winter, or the cold in general.” He started, raising his head to look at Kurogane, then bit his lip and averted his gaze. “I do want to enjoy the holidays, but they bring back bad memories, every year. For Yuui too. I hate being alone when it’s cold, and I don’t like leaving him alone at night either.”

Kurogane waited till he was sure Fai was done talking and gently brushed the hair off his face. “Okay.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?”

“That’s none of my business,” He stated solemnly, looking directly into Fai’s blue eyes. “but if you do want to tell me, I’ll listen. Now of whenever you’re ready.”

Fai smiled, a small yet honest smile that lightened up his face, and took Kurogane’s hand, entwining their fingers together. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, Kurotan.”

Kurogane poked him on the forehead. “If you’re so grateful, wash the dishes next time.”

“But the hot water hurts my hands!” Fai complained playfully. “Besides, we’re the ones cooking, so it’s only fair that you do the cleaning.”

“Yuui is the one who cooks,” Kurogane retorted, pinching Fai’s cheek. ”what do you ever do?”

Giggling, Fai wiggled free and stepped back, sitting next to the kotatsu. He looked at the floor, his hair falling down and covering his face. Kurogane couldn’t see his expression, but had the feeling he wasn’t smiling anymore. He sat down next to Fai.

“Kuropon,” Fai called after a short while, eyes still fixated on the floor.

“Yeah?”

“Could you hug me, please?”

“Sure, Blondie.”

He wrapped his arms around the thin figure, pulling him close, and let Fai rest his head on Kurogane’s chest. Fai clang to him, gripping his sweater tightly, but neither of them said anything. Kurogane saw no point in offering words of comfort, and he wasn’t skilled on them anyway. He stroked the fair hair slowly, silently reminding Fai that he was there, and whatever might have hurt him in the past wouldn’t be allowed to haunt him anymore as long as he was around. They remained like that for a long time, in which neither of them said a word. Eventually, Fai’s grip relaxed, but he made no sign of getting up.

Kurogane kissed the blond locks of hair that fell on Fai’s forehead. “I’m going to my hometown for New Year’s, to visit my folks,” He said, in a low voice, his hand still stroking Fai’s head. “wanna come? Your brother too, my mum would love to exchange recipes with him.”

Slowly, Fai raised his head to look at his boyfriend. “You want me to meet your parents?”

“Isn’t about time?”

Fai seemed about to smile, and suddenly his visage changed into a frown. “Are you taking pity on us?”

Kurogane’s arm dropped, his fist clenched. “You are my fucking boyfriend, and I consider Yuui part of my family as well.” His voiced was laced with contained anger at Fai’s assumption. “I want to spend New Year’s with you, and I want my parents to meet you. Take it or leave, Blondie, I don’t have the time to play games.”

Fai flinched, and for a second Kurogane regretted the harsh tone. He wanted this to work, without falsehoods or misunderstandings, and he really didn’t want to hurt Fai. However, soon his boyfriend looked at him and offered an apologetic half smile.

“I’m sorry, Kurotan,” He took Kurogane’s hand. “Yes, I would very much like to spend New Year’s with you and your family.”

“Good,” Kurogane squeezed the blond’s hand and messed with his hair affectionately. “but when we order the best sushi in town, you better eat it without complaining.”

Fai gasped and got up dramatically. “Well, if that’s how you’re gonna treat me I better go home to my brother, who doesn’t feed me raw fish.”

Kurogane got to his feet as well. “Make sure to invite him as well.”

“I will!” Fai replied cheerfully. He took his coat and scarf, and paused with his hand on the door knob. “I do want to tell you what happened, why I hate winter.” He took a deep breath and looked at Kurogane. “When I’m ready.”

“I’ll wait.” The goodbye kiss that night was soft, a “thank you” whispered as Fai lingered, pressing himself against the warmth of Kurogane’s body, enough to make him forget about the cold.

 

 

 

 


End file.
